Managing your Inner Critic
Do you criticize yourself? If so, you’re not alone. Managing the inner critic, limiting beliefs, and how that can get in the way of our desired goals are some of the most frequent topics that arise in our leadership coaching practice.
Our inner critic can be quite chatty. Sometimes that voice can be helpful and assist you in identifying legitimate threats and concerns. However, at times our inner critic is an old voice and narrative that we hear from our childhood, a past event, or an adaptive behavior that kept us safe from real or perceived threats.* The brain is smart and wants to be efficient in response to these threats. It remembers “Oh yeah, X is happening, Y was the response before, and you turned out alright. So Y it is again. Done.”
Yet…we evolve, situations evolve, and our leadership evolves. Y is not always the most effective response, and in fact may be limiting us and holding us back from deeper peace and success.
The next time you’re able to identify that the inner critic is getting loud and mouthy, perhaps see if you can name it and set him/her aside. Be objective and curious. What is that voice trying to tell you? If we believe it’s trying to keep you safe - what truth is in that now? Is this an old thought pattern and narrative whose operating system is now obsolete? Is there a new pattern or approach you can try on now? What might be possible as a result?
Perhaps you can reframe the inner critic as what might be inner guidance and your inner coach. Assume it’s trying to help you. Rather than utilizing the same patterns that at once likely served you, perhaps accept the voice at hand and see what it’s trying to tell you. Might there be some new wisdom there? Might there be a new approach? Might it just be an old operating system that hasn’t been upgraded to current circumstances? Perhaps try on new experiments and practices of empathy as shared in the podcast link above.
Discerning between helpful guidance and self-limiting criticism can be both the hardest and most liberating practices there are. Be tender with this work - and lean into possibility.
*Facing your inner critic is tough work - and can sometimes bring up past trauma or unhealed parts of your past. Please reach out to a licensed mental health professional if you need that support.
