Today's Assignment: Self-Trust
We heard from a lot of you that last month’s theme of collective grief really resonated, representing the feeling and emotions that are with us in this current state. Hearing from our clients around the world, it strikes us how much suffering we do alone, thinking we are the only ones grappling with complex emotions. What power there would be if we knew we weren’t in it alone?
Building on the theme of suffering in silence, we often write in these newsletters about trends we are seeing (and experiencing ourselves!) One of those trends – with both individuals as well as organizations – is stepping into bigger or newer arenas. We love to see people soar. But in the process, as we step into these spaces, we question our trust and confidence in ourselves. Questions such as “How do I know when I’m ready?” or “What if I don’t know what I’m doing?” or “Will I be rejected?” come up frequently. They ride along with “not enough”, “I’m less than”, and “I’m faking it and everyone will find out.” And look - on the best of days, these gremlins are here, but now we are learning and flexing and growing on a tank that has been a bit depleted from current events. What’s worse, we are often not sharing our worries and concerns with others. Yep - the toll on adaptability and resiliency in these times sure is feeding those gremlins!
How do we navigate this? First, be curious about what is behind the challenges with self-trust or the lack of confidence. What’s REALLY at risk? What values of yours are being challenged or at play that makes this important to you? What REAL FACTS – observable, measurable - are involved, as opposed to the story you are holding on to? Is your story valid or is it accurate? What part is your past vs what part is your present? What part of the story might you be missing? What tools do you have in your toolkit to challenge the story, or to support you and help you rise when you fall?
Notice it is a WHEN you fall – not an if. Because we know brave lives bring forth dusty, dirty, often mighty falls. Yet when we fall, know that we can learn or already have the tools and support to rise from the fall.
Second, know we don’t have to go it alone. What power there would be if we shared this with each other? The “yeah, me too”, the “I see you”, the “You are not in this alone.” Instead, we armor up, or brush it aside, or bury it deep. We want to hide any feeling of vulnerability for fear of what might happen. Imagine having one other person – a spouse, a colleague, a friend, a coach - be with you in this. And we mean REALLY with you in this. Now go find that person, because they are there. Never underestimate the power of empathy to engender strength and support.
We may not have all the answers – in fact, we don’t. We are not our thoughts. Repeat: we are not our thoughts. Our thoughts are data – and sometimes these thoughts can be very, very inaccurate. Challenge your stories, change the narrative or characters, and YOU can choose to write a new ending to your dance in the arena.
