Leading in Times of Loss and Grief
We’ve been thinking a lot about grief lately, and the myriad of ways grief shows up in our lives. It can be the obvious loss of a loved one, but can also be the loss of a marriage, a job, a friendship, or routines and expectations. As mentioned on Unlocking Us, David Kessler states that grief is the death of something. As we look at our current world in 2020, we sure can relate to Kessler’s statement that “we are all dealing with collective loss of the world we knew.”
Truer words have not been spoken. We’re staring down Month 6 of COVID quarantining. And we’re feeling it. The fatigue, the worry, the missed events, the wondering when it will lift… all of it. It’s a big jumble of emotions that can change hourly. We are experiencing grief -the death of something- in our world, in our families, and in our organizations.
Grief proves, yet again, that loss and processing of such loss is not linear. Kessler shares that the worst loss is always yours. Always. And we cannot be in the business of comparative suffering. No one has gotten through this time without some loss.
What does this mean to us as leaders? Our organizations and our employees have experienced massive change, and how they have experienced it is unique for each of them. As leaders, we must replicate what is done in grief and trauma work, that is, naming it. This does not mean you have to be (or should be!) a therapist! This solely means that your job as leader is to work with your team to acknowledge the loss and allow them to experience the feelings. “Emotions need motion” – in fact, motion is part of the etymology. We have to own the grief that comes from the change – whether it’s COVID, an organizational change, a team member departure or leadership changes. We cannot ignore or circumvent the feelings – the only way “to” is “through”.
How do we do this? First, call it out and talk about it. In fact, if you call it out and invite your team to discuss it, you don’t have to solve it. You just have to listen. Create new rituals and dedicated processing time for the team to address shifts in circumstances. Understand that we are all not operating at peak state. Our fuel tanks are low, and we are all trying to do the best we can. Assume positive intent. If you feel stuck to handle that conversation, reach out for coaching or facilitation support.
We’re not sure how long we are in this state for. But we know the ripple effects will be felt for months if not years. Lean on empathy, compassion, and curiosity to guide your leadership. And through it, we will find meaning and new beginnings.
We are discussing grief as it relates to organizational loss and change. This is not intended to be therapeutic advice. Grief is deep, personal, and complex. If you are grappling with grief, especially of a personal nature, please reach out to a qualified professional. We would be happy to refer you to qualified individuals if needed.
