Healthy Boundaries & Relationships
The top three topics that come to our coaching practice are building confidence, time management, and managing through conflict and difficult conversations. What we see is that these three topics have this in common - speaking up for our needs and establishing boundaries.
We’ve all had that moment - that pit in the stomach that we’ve taken on too much, the slow burn of resentment that we are the last one at work again, the anxiety of speaking up for your needs at work or home. We wonder why we are feeling burned out, resentful, or anxious. We look at ways of assigning blame or manically turning to our calendars to better allocate our time - anything to explain and mitigate these feelings.
The resolution is normally not about assigning blame or better time management. This is about boundaries.
What makes setting boundaries so difficult? We are hardwired for connection. We often make up worst case scenario stories, beliefs that establishing boundaries will force us out of connection with others. In reality, by NOT setting what’s ok and what’s not, we are only experiencing artificial harmony. Speaking up for our needs can be uncomfortable - and boy, we are not great at discomfort.
But yet, by not establishing boundaries, we build resentment, burnout, and anxiety. We live from a place of inauthenticity, where we cannot show up as our full selves. We overwork ourselves to a place of exhaustion.
So how do we fix this? By taking small steps. Brené Brown defines boundaries as “What’s ok and what’s not ok.” Try small tweaks - for example, setting one small boundary, one sentence, one word (No is a complete sentence!) that moves the needle. Check in with yourself on how that felt and what result or behavior change you saw. With practice comes greater ease at establishing boundaries.
A wise coach once shared with us that boundaries don’t separate us, they join us. Seek opportunities to join, not separate, with others. Reach out to us for coaching if you need additional tools and support!
