Having The Difficult Conversations

One of the most common topics that arises in leadership development and coaching is having difficult conversations. How do we have them? How can we plan to say something so that the other person won’t react negatively? What happens if we screw it up?

The hesitancy to have difficult conversations often comes from our biological need for connection. We are afraid to upset others – or the perception of upsetting others – so we say nothing at all. We risk artificial harmony to avoid discomfort. And thus the situation can fester, and like a shaken up soda bottle, it explodes when opened.

The thing we feared the most is now occurring because we didn’t have the conversation in the first place.

Part of the challenge of having the conversation may be based on skill, but often, the hesitancy has more to do with our stories, interpretations, and assumptions. What power we can have if we lean in and own our stories, so that they do not own us. What power we have if we stay curious.

Leaning into a hard conversation and reflecting after - especially if it felt vulnerable, or clunky, or didn’t have the outcome we wanted - consider asking yourself these questions:

 - Did I speak from a place of love?
 - Did I speak from a place of truth?
 - Did I do so with grace, clarity, dignity for others and good intentions?

While still a continual work in progress, these 3 questions have provided a good gut check for us as a practice of continual improvement. Do you ask yourself questions similar to these, or others? Click here to share with us, or to see how we can help you or your organization navigate challenging conversations.