Can Empathy and Accountability Co-Exist?

We’ve been thinking a lot about empathy, accountability, and curiosity lately. In the midst of clear wrongdoing or say, missed deadlines, our go-to is accountability - “Let’s tell them they’re wrong and hold them accountable.” Yes…and…there is a nagging thought that it’s not always quite that simple.

Can empathy and accountability co-exist? We argue yes. Is it hard at times? An even more resounding YES.

In his book “Conversations with People Who Hate Me”, Dylan Marron states “Empathy is not an endorsement.” Being empathetic does not imply agreement. We can extend empathy to others, AND we can insist on accountability. We can extend a hand to others, be curious, AND insist that it’s done better. These are not mutually exclusive concepts.

Why is this hard to balance? Our very efficient brain wants to take good care of us. It wants good guy/bad guy, with nice, neat boxes to put people and actions into. It doesn’t want paradoxical concepts because that is less efficient - but it CAN handle it. It can understand that we need to hold an employee accountable for actions or work, and can also be empathetic to what is happening for them.

In our experience with our clients, people tend to lean to one end of this balance vs the other. Some may be quick for accountability but never consider what is happening for the other person beneath the surface. This can cause a fearful environment. Others may be deeply empathetic, but overdoing that can be at the cost of holding others accountable.

As you go about your month, consider which pole you may gravitate to more naturally. Consider being an observer of self and making one action in the other direction. You may be surprised by the results.