The Importance of Language in Connection

How well do you identify your emotions while they are occurring? Do you communicate those emotions? And how does that identification and communication keep you in connection (or not) with self and others?

Language matters - meaning, it REALLY matters. How we talk to ourselves, talk with others, and articulate what we are feeling and experiencing is critical to deepened awareness, new insights, and different actions. It keeps us in relationship with others. The importance of language and nuance to open up portals of new awareness, understanding, and actions cannot be understated. New actions = new results. As the old saying goes, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.”

But here’s the thing - whether it is a colleague, a boss, a staff member, a child, or a significant other - we will never be perfect at this, no matter how mindful we strive to be. We will have moments of disconnection, or rupture, in our connections. To build true intimacy, it is critical to identify nuance, manage our stories, and start the repair process. Hilary Jacobs Hendel shares some insight into the rupture/repair cycle:

“‘Rupture and repair’ refers to the breaking and restoring of connection with one another. Since humans are wired for connection, and connection is what researchers say brings most happiness, rupture and repair is a critical concept to learn about for wellbeing.”

The goal is not perfect - the goal is a commitment to awareness, to communication, to the relationship. It is a commitment to staying curious and staying present. It is a commitment to developing robust language, through education and practice, to continue our growth. It’s reflecting and apologizing when we are off track. It’s celebrating our successes. These are the hallmarks of effective emotional regulation and communication.